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I knew about Jesus as far back as I can remember. My Father was a Pastor, and my mother had been a religious worker. I was taught Bible stories all of my life, and my parents lived consistent Christian lives that I greatly admired. When I was about six years old I professed my belief in all that I had been taught, and was baptized as a member of the Church. I knew well, and was frequently reminded, how a good Christian should behave, but somehow my behavior was never what I knew it should be. No matter how hard I tried to do right, I always failed. I tried to pretend to be a Christian, and failed at that, too. The shame of my pretense and guilt made me uncomfortable in the presence of real Christians, and by the time I left for College, I had given up any pretense.
After I graduated from College, I married a precious girl who had also dropped out of her Church. We mostly ignored the Church until our daughter was a couple of years old. At that point, I felt that our daughter needed to learn about Jesus, so I began to take her to Sunday school, and did so for several years. I would be careful to take her home before Church Services started, because I was not really interested in attending Church.
One Sunday my Pastor dismissed adult Sunday school and had an Evangelist preach to all of the adults. He preached about People in the Bible who were religious but Lost. He gave examples like Nicodemus, the Rich young Ruler, and Saul, who became Paul. I began to suspect that I might be in that category, so when I got home I asked my wife if I was a Christian or not. She did not know, either, so the next time I went to Church I asked my Pastor. To my surprise, he didn't know either. He simply told me that no one could answer that question for me but Jesus Himself!
Somehow I realized that the Jesus that I had heard so much about is Real, Alive, and anxious to hear and answer my prayer. My only sensible response was to kneel before Him and confess to Him that I did not know whether I was a Christian or not, but that I wanted Him to make me a Christian that He would not have to be ashamed of. As I prayed, Jesus gave me a deep sense of peace that my Salvation was His problem, and not mine. He gave me a hunger to know and to follow Him and a Joy in serving Him that has blessed my life for over 45 years.
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Blessed be the Name of my Lord Jesus Christ.
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